Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

oathkeeper99

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

oathkeeper99

34Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5411
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>Markovski</b> - 3 hours ago<b>DamnBailie</b> - 12 hours ago<b>elusiveshame</b> - 20 hours ago<b>robertd73</b> - yesterday at 12:29am<b>muzy</b> - yesterday at 5:58pm<b>Soninuva</b> - yesterday at 4:01pm<b>meggsann10</b> - yesterday at 12:48pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 1:07am<b>sweetgurl1985</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 11:54pm<b>yamcha</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 10:20am<b>BigxXxDeal</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 6:20am<b>seenoevil818</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 4:12am<b>Tits_N_Turbos</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 4:11am<b>sunnyskys</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:48pm<b>ADBurns</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:26pm<b>NH_Freelancer</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:10pm<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:01pm<b>morrisonemm_</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 6:40pm

Liked!<b>Justified12</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 6:23am<b>rafa015</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 4:15am<b>ekimen</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 10:12am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 11:54pm<b>dudeguy1989</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 5:12pm<b>meggsann10</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 3:50pm<b>elusiveshame</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 2:41pm<b>HairyPunisher</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 12:19pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 12:04pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 12:00pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 8:58pm<b>Pablo1321</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 5:37pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 4:40pm<b>badmandilon</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 5:50am<b>bbrink</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 4:37am<b>KrisLifeSucks</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 12:33am<b>rebeltw</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 5:50am<b>GhostDuck</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 9:23pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

#17668852
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (4383)

On 09/05/2011 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32034) - you deserved it (3061)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38727) - you deserved it (3509)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
681 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30335) - you deserved it (49372)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32667) - you deserved it (9081)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

#17330120
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32085) - you deserved it (2692)

On 08/01/2011 at 8:55am - intimacy - by notsurprised (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

#17211324
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45524) - you deserved it (4342)

On 07/22/2011 at 12:23am - love - by bridetobe (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

#17092885
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39952) - you deserved it (3950)

On 07/13/2011 at 10:48am - misc - by Evan Chong - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

#17000180
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38232) - you deserved it (12945)

On 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

#16871264
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29842) - you deserved it (4783)

On 06/26/2011 at 9:14pm - money - by Mad - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

#16827191
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (4596)

On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

#16667115
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36848) - you deserved it (14282)

On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

#16540181
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27202) - you deserved it (6163)

On 06/07/2011 at 12:43am - love - by Maddie110110 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14052) - you deserved it (32655)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

#16267088
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46922) - you deserved it (2872)

On 05/20/2011 at 1:59pm - work - by jayc80 (man) - Bermuda (Hamilton)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • OK jkjk it was FMLS April Fools
  •   Yah its know over, ive stoppd wrotting… Sorry, I'll try again. There, it's over, I can stop typing TXT language with my forehead. Yes, you probably cottened on that it was our little…

Monday 30 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: