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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3182
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
678 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30182) - you deserved it (49176)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32480) - you deserved it (9052)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

#17330120
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31899) - you deserved it (2685)

On 08/01/2011 at 8:55am - intimacy - by notsurprised (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

#17211324
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45319) - you deserved it (4331)

On 07/22/2011 at 12:23am - love - by bridetobe (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

#17092885
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38516) - you deserved it (3830)

On 07/13/2011 at 10:48am - misc - by Evan Chong - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

#17000180
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38078) - you deserved it (12918)

On 07/06/2011 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

#16871264
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29681) - you deserved it (4768)

On 06/26/2011 at 9:14pm - money - by Mad - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

#16827191
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35248) - you deserved it (4485)

On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

#16667115
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36674) - you deserved it (14237)

On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

#16540181
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you deserved it (6087)

On 06/07/2011 at 12:43am - love - by Maddie110110 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13506) - you deserved it (31864)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

#16267088
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46699) - you deserved it (2865)

On 05/20/2011 at 1:59pm - work - by jayc80 (man) - Bermuda (Hamilton)

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11282) - you deserved it (63362)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11282) - you deserved it (63362)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

#16162317
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39344) - you deserved it (3687)

On 05/13/2011 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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