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oathkeeper99's FML badges
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
by anonymous / 12/28/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
by anna / 12/22/2011 at 4:25pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML
by Bob smith / 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML
by testesential / 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 8:57am / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
by mattdevil / 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by journey_Jeanne / 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by aninnocentonlooker / 12/04/2011 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Animals
by blacktyaffair / 11/09/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by lprocter1982 / 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Nicole557 / 11/03/2011 at 6:56am / United States / Animals