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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs
by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by dany / 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML
by fuq / 05/22/2012 at 2:42pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
by sick and awkward / 05/20/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Grindyloo / 05/05/2012 at 6:06am / Kids
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Tristansefam1367 / 03/12/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML
by TiredMom / 02/16/2012 at 4:42pm / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by Kevin / 02/13/2012 at 1:00am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous