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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2579
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML

#18580798
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (4059) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/22/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by anna - France

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11430) - you deserved it (28672)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

#18502808
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50196) - you deserved it (5468)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by testesential - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

#18501899
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25633) - you deserved it (1969)

On 12/13/2011 at 8:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

#18456086
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (4433)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)

Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML

#18424038
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29655) - you deserved it (3364)

On 12/04/2011 at 12:35am - intimacy - by aninnocentonlooker - United States (California)

Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML

#18384593
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14915) - you deserved it (22952)

On 11/29/2011 at 11:15am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

#18320267
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30069) - you deserved it (5238)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by Gabriela -

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

#18200720
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24876) - you deserved it (3547)

On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

#18188542
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30501) - you deserved it (2518)

On 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by lprocter1982 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

#18145611
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (9331)

On 11/03/2011 at 6:56am - animals - by Nicole557 (woman) - United States

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

#18111338
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28237) - you deserved it (2716)

On 10/30/2011 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30427) - you deserved it (5176) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30427) - you deserved it (5176) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France



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