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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3159
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

#19964470
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23059) - you deserved it (2602)

On 07/20/2012 at 4:26pm - work - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

#19913255
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25949) - you deserved it (3550)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62454) - you deserved it (5037)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

#19884595
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26269) - you deserved it (2092)

On 07/03/2012 at 4:03am - misc - by spiderfail - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

#19812569
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (15155)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40815) - you deserved it (3869)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

#19684129
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24153) - you deserved it (1751)

On 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by dany - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

#19662623
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (2230)

On 05/22/2012 at 2:42pm - misc - by fuq (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26443) - you deserved it (3003)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

#19588733
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16491) - you deserved it (3646)

On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36148) - you deserved it (2334) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13338) - you deserved it (54576) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26587) - you deserved it (4424)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34850) - you deserved it (5451)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

#19094403
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24567) - you deserved it (8995)

On 02/16/2012 at 4:42pm - kids - by TiredMom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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