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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2553
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>markusmay16</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:50pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:49pm<b>Dodger_fan16</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:26am<b>Jaybob98</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 5:59am<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:16am<b>xR3cKl3sSx</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:06pm<b>CJWilliams1984</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 12:58pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 11:17am<b>WildHorses1987</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 8:34am<b>jogihoppa8343</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 2:43pm<b>MajinOP</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 7:01pm<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 11:20am<b>Welshite</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 7:18am<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 5:45am<b>coaches</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:04am<b>1pirelli1</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 1:13pm<b>LMxDelta38</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Rcmpbell</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 2:50pm

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

#19662623
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20546) - you deserved it (2223)

On 05/22/2012 at 2:42pm - misc - by fuq (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (2996)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

#19588733
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16029) - you deserved it (3580)

On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35560) - you deserved it (2288) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
581 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13033) - you deserved it (53987) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26468) - you deserved it (4418)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34761) - you deserved it (5442)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

#19094403
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24479) - you deserved it (8985)

On 02/16/2012 at 4:42pm - kids - by TiredMom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

#19093688
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (4414)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML

#19085877
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28133) - you deserved it (2345)

On 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37824) - you deserved it (9641)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

#18892690
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29500) - you deserved it (2471)

On 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

#18851761
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26997) - you deserved it (1924)

On 01/19/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by toothpaste (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

#18631898
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (4594)

On 12/28/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16842) - you deserved it (49807)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)



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