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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99
  • Town/Country : Solihull, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1907
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

#120277
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59396) - you deserved it (6778)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by LilShawty2000 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

#69443
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39923) - you deserved it (5787)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:09pm - health - by Kristina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

#54346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10220) - you deserved it (60005)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by Italian_Stallion (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

#45949
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37974) - you deserved it (5293)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by cjk004 - United States (California)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24204) - you deserved it (4545)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

#10740
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30837) - you deserved it (3326)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

#9673
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23801) - you deserved it (6846)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Tori (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16274) - you deserved it (26800)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8399) - you deserved it (40724)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

#2762
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5660) - you deserved it (18653)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:10am - work - by duh - United States (South Carolina)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51515) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

#1019
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14492) - you deserved it (4373)

On 01/13/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by carrie - Algeria



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