Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

oathkeeper99

Offline (yesterday at 11:01am) | Search for a member

oathkeeper99

80Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7894
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>thatnakedguy</b> - yesterday at 7:14am<b>toebee4</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 1:46pm<b>ADDiva</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:48am<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 4:40pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 1:06pm<b>ninjuh_wingman</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:41pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 8:51pm<b>cyrus_ocelot</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 3:00pm<b>Matt_Hazard</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 10:45pm<b>rachelthelime</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 5:39pm<b>bulletproof098</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 12:22pm<b>facelick</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 12:19pm<b>ircs56</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 10:21pm<b>mbdresnick</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:45pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:42pm<b>QD</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 3:56pm<b>LonelyPotato</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 10:51am<b>Inquisitor11</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:28am

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20am<b>heirofhope</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:30am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 8:23am<b>Neut</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 11:18pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 12:36am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:08pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 1:38pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:14am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 7:40am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:48pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:39pm<b>DayDay98</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>lolol123</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:49pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:17pm<b>NateC27</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:53am<b>tiwan</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:07am

oathkeeper99's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181534) - you deserved it (29065)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

#642642
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17151) - you deserved it (75046)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

#625298
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (175389) - you deserved it (24233)

On 03/26/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by Voice29 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78678) - you deserved it (6059)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

#566984
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71096) - you deserved it (10747)

On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

#542382
464 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125734) - you deserved it (23636)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#522932
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76157) - you deserved it (24946)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by joshinbaltimore (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32641) - you deserved it (118355)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

#416306
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (73977)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by webcammistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148200) - you deserved it (39595)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148200) - you deserved it (39595)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: