Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

oathkeeper99

Online | Search for a member

oathkeeper99

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3453
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>whatsittoyabitch</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 5:17pm<b>Lct1196</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 4:36pm<b>HopelesslyCiara5</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 9:48pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 9:08pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 12:27pm<b>Al3xv3l92</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:48am<b>farebear66</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 12:33am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 12:18am<b>FrenchieJoking</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 8:39pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 8:14pm<b>gary3768</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 7:59pm<b>orbit</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 7:37pm<b>JosephAnders</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 6:29pm<b>Blodwast</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 4:53am<b>Xeivan</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 1:42am<b>The_Shrimp52</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 12:59am<b>sisas</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 6:41pm<b>theaaxis</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 12:46pm

Liked!<b>robertd73</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:55am<b>Shakazulu1216</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 1:21am

oathkeeper99's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

#20492744
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27665) - you deserved it (3200)

On 02/04/2013 at 4:15am - misc - by Stunned (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46460) - you deserved it (3969)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

#20467584
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45931) - you deserved it (7274)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

#20450090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27516) - you deserved it (2354)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm - misc - by Darkandcold - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37810) - you deserved it (4007)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28202) - you deserved it (1608)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
167 comments

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21002) - you deserved it (2673)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

#20099840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14709) - you deserved it (15873)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by Jlhfan90 - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44634) - you deserved it (3893)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

#20057669
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32146) - you deserved it (1800)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm - health - by Emma - United States (Missouri)

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

#20035075
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29378) - you deserved it (1720)

On 08/22/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

#20034900
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35406) - you deserved it (8929)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

#20015021
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (7805)

On 08/11/2012 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

#19995813
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22788) - you deserved it (3586)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: