Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

oathkeeper99

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

oathkeeper99

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2939
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>slombre</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 2:16pm<b>Salvanoi</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 1:43am<b>BasedJesus666</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:52am<b>rissarea</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:40am<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 9:59pm<b>FrenchieJoking</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 8:45pm<b>feven</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 7:33pm<b>jessica7725</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 5:13pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 6:18pm<b>firefighterbee</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 1:51am<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 8:10pm<b>wigginz</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 3:51pm<b>Ausdank</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 2:14pm<b>superwoman24357</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 2:11pm<b>AliceJen</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 1:34pm<b>adam_8181</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 12:05am<b>markusmay16</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:50pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:49pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

#1971558
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53015) - you deserved it (10985)

On 05/16/2009 at 3:52am - love - by TayTay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

#1958510
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16152) - you deserved it (56010)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:07am - intimacy - by dwek (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

#1954003
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9831) - you deserved it (37551)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by NotSoCool (man) - Singapore

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (355874) - you deserved it (17939)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61985) - you deserved it (5798)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61798) - you deserved it (4945)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61929) - you deserved it (2692)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123833) - you deserved it (6676)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67248) - you deserved it (9068)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, I was rollerblading in the university gardens and taking pictures. A worker started to yell at me, and I told him that I had perfect control and could stay on the sidewalk. As I turned to skate away, I faceplanted into a bed of prized rare flowers. FML

#1481817
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8182) - you deserved it (57067)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by krizleykrislo - United States (Michigan)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22920) - you deserved it (101115)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

#1378571
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66376) - you deserved it (3723)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55131) - you deserved it (10859)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: