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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

34Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5318
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

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oathkeeper99's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129122) - you deserved it (9652)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

#3091198
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79098) - you deserved it (4845)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by picaru (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

#2935606
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49636) - you deserved it (3751)

On 06/16/2009 at 7:14am - misc - by BirthdayTeeth - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

#2929872
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48872) - you deserved it (20854)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37439) - you deserved it (58559)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

#2685783
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60880) - you deserved it (4191)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by loner (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10576) - you deserved it (79423)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

#2558770
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16461) - you deserved it (42548)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:50am - work - by em (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

#2557245
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56235) - you deserved it (4643)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84873) - you deserved it (227113)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

#2482852
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48715) - you deserved it (7702)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (76016)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)



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