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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

73Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6914
  • Number of comments : 101
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 1:24am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 8:14am<b>gopi</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 1:56pm<b>sethu16</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 1:53pm<b>Helipilot86</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 11:13pm<b>GAMERZxxHD</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 5:50pm<b>daveydavidson111</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 5:19pm<b>canadaguy08</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 12:54pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 11:42am<b>DeathIsHot</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 3:26pm<b>Dwarfed</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 12:11am<b>thatnakedguy</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 9:07am<b>saltontherim</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 8:25am<b>dirtbikeguy</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 11:12pm<b>Laeffy</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 4:22pm<b>RMLrapemylife</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 6:34pm<b>last_kings84</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 3:35pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 2:43pm

Fucked!<b>minhas6096</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:14am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 7:40am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:48pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:39pm<b>DayDay98</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>lolol123</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:49pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:17pm<b>NateC27</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:53am<b>tiwan</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:07am<b>connaughty0225</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:42am<b>dracolich</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:47am<b>joely_nathan</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:59pm<b>ajt525</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:25pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:23pm<b>jorgsan</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:19pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 3:25pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

#4201501
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63255) - you deserved it (10125)

On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

#4181466
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9156) - you deserved it (72138)

On 07/31/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

#4144889
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20922) - you deserved it (50053)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

#4100528
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65157) - you deserved it (3119)

On 07/28/2009 at 3:29am - work - by skygoddess (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12488) - you deserved it (57936)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

#4026521
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9250) - you deserved it (84418)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:30am - kids - by BlueBaby123 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18368) - you deserved it (70381)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

#3949240
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48033) - you deserved it (4755)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:11am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

#3904309
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75900) - you deserved it (3926)

On 07/20/2009 at 11:43am - love - by good_job_john (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

#3806644
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63874) - you deserved it (2894)

On 07/16/2009 at 4:32pm - misc - by dork (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60404) - you deserved it (3759)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

#3669335
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51158) - you deserved it (8296)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by policeopenup (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

#3654614
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44650) - you deserved it (28491)

On 07/10/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by roar_shark - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

#3650725
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43267) - you deserved it (8243)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm - money - by thanksalot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

#3563535
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (133505) - you deserved it (5127)

On 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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