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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99
  • Town/Country : Solihull, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1860
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

#2929872
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47278) - you deserved it (20156)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33834) - you deserved it (54212)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

#2685783
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54115) - you deserved it (3164)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by loner (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8168) - you deserved it (60400)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

#2558770
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15377) - you deserved it (40929)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:50am - work - by em (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

#2557245
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49796) - you deserved it (4097)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69229) - you deserved it (179627)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

#2482852
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46900) - you deserved it (7492)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21273) - you deserved it (73232)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

#2339155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45858) - you deserved it (2454)

On 05/27/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Brook363 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
855 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28376) - you deserved it (238462)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

#2039933
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13305) - you deserved it (48704)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

#2039933
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13305) - you deserved it (48704)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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