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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs
by boomstick / 09/25/2009 at 9:09am / United States (New York) / Health
by mudafkrmas / 09/18/2009 at 12:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by cramps / 09/17/2009 at 9:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML
by babymomma / 09/14/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm / United States (Utah) / Love
by ouchh / 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
by Udxero / 09/10/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays
by kennedygeeee / 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML
by JustMyLuck / 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML
by pinks / 09/01/2009 at 10:17pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML
by becca1417 / 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML
by Phoellie / 08/28/2009 at 7:43am / United Kingdom (London) / Holidays
Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML
by mariokarter / 08/28/2009 at 12:41am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous