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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2555
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Visits<b>markusmay16</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:50pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:49pm<b>Dodger_fan16</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:26am<b>Jaybob98</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 5:59am<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:16am<b>xR3cKl3sSx</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:06pm<b>CJWilliams1984</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 12:58pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 11:17am<b>WildHorses1987</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 8:34am<b>jogihoppa8343</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 2:43pm<b>MajinOP</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 7:01pm<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 11:20am<b>Welshite</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 7:18am<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 5:45am<b>coaches</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:04am<b>1pirelli1</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 1:13pm<b>LMxDelta38</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Rcmpbell</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 2:50pm

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

#5189788
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39828) - you deserved it (6562)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm - animals - by ouchh (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44534) - you deserved it (4220)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

#5148313
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (174291) - you deserved it (17978)

On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

#5116471
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54195) - you deserved it (2156)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by kennedygeeee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

#5068921
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16757) - you deserved it (45933)

On 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by JustMyLuck (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML

#4987188
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32415) - you deserved it (6000)

On 09/01/2009 at 10:17pm - kids - by pinks (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

#4981586
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12018) - you deserved it (40503)

On 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by becca1417 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

#4879215
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60127) - you deserved it (4528)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:43am - intimacy - by Phoellie (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

#4874486
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45819) - you deserved it (6190)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

#4661982
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60115) - you deserved it (4161)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

#4530948
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45633) - you deserved it (3650)

On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

#4331157
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63471) - you deserved it (3920)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Shopgirl (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

#4329050
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64838) - you deserved it (2771)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by whatismydadthinking (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

#4201501
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59316) - you deserved it (9510)

On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)



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