oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

82Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 10084
  • Number of comments : 135
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>Rababco</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 4:19pm<b>minxchi</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 10:03pm<b>WD_Stevens</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 4:43pm<b>KaneCR</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 12:33pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 10:09am<b>thatboysam</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 11:21pm<b>paigexox0</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 4:52pm<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 1:27pm<b>lscottygl</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 1:10pm<b>JoshWade62</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 3:39am<b>jow96</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 5:56pm<b>Cities</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 3:38pm<b>roman11</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 11:26am<b>mh_2323</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 10:11am<b>orangejubejube</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 9:43am<b>tipuda</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 9:02am<b>tiger820</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 10:52am<b>Donkler</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 4:32pm

Fucked!<b>AnthraxPrincess</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 5:11am<b>cornyrob</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 2:34pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20am<b>heirofhope</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:30am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 8:23am<b>Neut</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 11:18pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 12:36am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:08pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 1:38pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:14am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 7:40am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:48pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:39pm<b>DayDay98</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>lolol123</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:49pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:17pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

by Dontworryaboutit / 12/28/2009 at 5:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

by suuuuuupucci / 12/25/2009 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

by Barstaff / 12/24/2009 at 6:20am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

by Nemesis2747 / 12/24/2009 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

by blumaster04 / 12/22/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

by soapysoap / 12/10/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

by aawkward... / 12/09/2009 at 2:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

by 2old4thiscrap / 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

by tawan / 12/04/2009 at 11:35am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

by wearashirt / 12/04/2009 at 2:55am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

by chacha / 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

by tjcl / 11/28/2009 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

by Nicholasand / 11/23/2009 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Transportation

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

by missmycomp / 11/12/2009 at 9:36am / Singapore / Miscellaneous