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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

80Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7814
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>toebee4</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 1:46pm<b>ADDiva</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:48am<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 4:40pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 1:06pm<b>ninjuh_wingman</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:41pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 8:51pm<b>cyrus_ocelot</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 3:00pm<b>Matt_Hazard</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 10:45pm<b>rachelthelime</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 5:39pm<b>bulletproof098</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 12:22pm<b>facelick</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 12:19pm<b>ircs56</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 10:21pm<b>mbdresnick</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:45pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:42pm<b>QD</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 3:56pm<b>LonelyPotato</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 10:51am<b>Inquisitor11</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 9:28am<b>StupidMonkey497</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 6:26am

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20am<b>heirofhope</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:30am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 8:23am<b>Neut</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 11:18pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 12:36am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:08pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 1:38pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:14am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 7:40am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:48pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:39pm<b>DayDay98</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>lolol123</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:49pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:17pm<b>NateC27</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:53am<b>tiwan</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:07am

oathkeeper99's FML badges

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

#7753141
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7344) - you deserved it (25775)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:21pm - animals - by saintmichi (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML

#7700878
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38465) - you deserved it (5398)

On 01/30/2010 at 8:16am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

#7694418
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30404) - you deserved it (3340)

On 01/30/2010 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

#7666116
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12531) - you deserved it (56354)

On 01/29/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

#7644326
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9359) - you deserved it (51042)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm - misc - by Lance (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

#7568710
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8760) - you deserved it (30569)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

#7538814
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29044) - you deserved it (7162)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71301) - you deserved it (4620)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

#7339012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (4125)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

#7264134
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36009) - you deserved it (10527)

On 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by coinoperatedgirl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23446) - you deserved it (5837)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

#7169187
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31375) - you deserved it (3843)

On 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23355) - you deserved it (3530)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9613) - you deserved it (62006)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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