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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs
by saintmichi / 01/31/2010 at 7:21pm / Poland (Malopolskie) / Transportation
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2010 at 8:16am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/29/2010 at 2:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Lance / 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 3:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/22/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm / United States / Health
Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML
by coinoperatedgirl / 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Geek
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
by ohdeargodthatswrong / 01/09/2010 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
by me / 01/05/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous