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oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

72Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6749
  • Number of comments : 96
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>ordaineddudeist</b> - 18 hours ago<b>minhas6096</b> - 18 hours ago<b>proudsock</b> - 20 hours ago<b>xcarlito615x</b> - yesterday at 1:53pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - yesterday at 12:48pm<b>Mendez07</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 12:02pm<b>saudor</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 10:07am<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 5:14am<b>cmslava</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 1:02pm<b>jordanrecatto</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 2:00am<b>checkyalater</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 11:03pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:54pm<b>jazzcat246</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 6:44pm<b>xxthechosenguyxx</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 3:09pm<b>Mr_Plague</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:09pm<b>Artigedude65</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 5:53am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:40am<b>rjc490</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:21am

Fucked!<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:14am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 7:40am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:48pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:39pm<b>DayDay98</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>lolol123</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:49pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:17pm<b>NateC27</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:53am<b>tiwan</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:07am<b>connaughty0225</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:42am<b>dracolich</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:47am<b>joely_nathan</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:59pm<b>ajt525</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:25pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:23pm<b>jorgsan</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:19pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 3:25pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 3:07pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

#7568710
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8330) - you deserved it (29451)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

#7538814
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24772) - you deserved it (6608)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69670) - you deserved it (4515)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

#7339012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27046) - you deserved it (3783)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

#7264134
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34892) - you deserved it (10167)

On 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by coinoperatedgirl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20937) - you deserved it (5444)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

#7169187
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30078) - you deserved it (3717)

On 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22388) - you deserved it (3430)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8556) - you deserved it (58663)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

#6989105
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9719) - you deserved it (34931)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25601) - you deserved it (3162)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

#6917997
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (2167)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:20am - work - by Barstaff (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

#6914931
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33701) - you deserved it (2787)

On 12/24/2009 at 1:09am - love - by Nemesis2747 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

#6887897
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (3674)

On 12/22/2009 at 5:53pm - misc - by blumaster04 (man) - United States (Florida)



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