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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs
Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML
by Mikey832 / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was helping a friend move. Before we arrived, he put his key on my key ring to keep it safe. When we got there, he promptly shoved my front door key into the lock and snapped it clean off. Not only can we not get into his house, but now I can't get back into mine. FML
by Luke / 07/25/2010 at 6:47pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous
by RachelVanLannen9 / 07/11/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by fml / 05/20/2010 at 5:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML
by Candy / 05/20/2010 at 8:37am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML
by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek
by googoogaga / 03/13/2010 at 10:13am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
by woopdeedo_1 / 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy
by ughno / 02/21/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 6:58am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Chris / 02/13/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML
by ummmmEW / 02/12/2010 at 7:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
by notababymama / 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm / United States (California) / Love
- Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got… Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of… Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to…