Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

oathkeeper99

Offline (10 hours ago) | Search for a member

oathkeeper99

11Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4310
  • Number of comments : 63
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>FueledByFate</b> - 6 hours ago<b>bakert</b> - 10 hours ago<b>cokeman666</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Winged_Avenger</b> - 14 hours ago<b>nix1993</b> - 14 hours ago<b>thecman25</b> - 14 hours ago<b>sadistmonkey</b> - 15 hours ago<b>blakeedwards15</b> - 16 hours ago<b>DragonSlayer8724</b> - 17 hours ago<b>Whoop_whoop</b> - 18 hours ago<b>thatxboxguy</b> - 19 hours ago<b>loche123</b> - 21 hours ago<b>pred8885</b> - 23 hours ago<b>Thomo2207</b> - 24 hours ago<b>Jaymojustmaybe</b> - yesterday at 11:48pm<b>jockguard</b> - yesterday at 6:28pm<b>Ranch_Dressing</b> - yesterday at 3:37pm<b>FleibenHolden</b> - yesterday at 2:27pm

Liked!<b>bakert</b> - 4 hours ago<b>FleibenHolden</b> - yesterday at 8:28pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:50am<b>felixshaw</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 12:35am<b>zombiekiller52</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 11:38pm<b>Loewe90</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 9:51pm<b>sam9697</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 8:44pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 2:14am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 3:02am<b>robertd73</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:55am<b>Shakazulu1216</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 1:21am

oathkeeper99's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44332) - you deserved it (4975)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27258) - you deserved it (39109)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52520) - you deserved it (3304)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50307) - you deserved it (13837)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31275) - you deserved it (5827)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65814) - you deserved it (18742)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67378) - you deserved it (9927)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53478) - you deserved it (8653)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52612) - you deserved it (5794)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

#20572997
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46762) - you deserved it (5551)

On 04/03/2013 at 9:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31343) - you deserved it (5902)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42063) - you deserved it (4887)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

#20509329
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32840) - you deserved it (5553)

On 02/16/2013 at 10:27am - love - by MsCobb - United States (Ohio)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: