oathkeeper99

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oathkeeper99

82Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11112
  • Number of comments : 142
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 09/14/2016 at 1:11am<b>Necropool</b> - the 09/01/2016 at 3:26am<b>footinthemouth07</b> - the 08/31/2016 at 9:09am<b>Rababco</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 4:54pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 11:23am<b>AndronicusPark</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 5:46am<b>vh_musiclover</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 7:21pm<b>Mightytall</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 4:18am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 1:55pm<b>minxchi</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 10:03pm<b>WD_Stevens</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 4:43pm<b>KaneCR</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 12:33pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 10:09am<b>thatboysam</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 11:21pm<b>paigexox0</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 4:52pm<b>BabooonLove</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 1:27pm<b>lscottygl</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 1:10pm<b>JoshWade62</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 3:39am

Fucked!<b>AnthraxPrincess</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 5:11am<b>cornyrob</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 2:34pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20am<b>heirofhope</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 2:30am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 8:23am<b>Neut</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 11:18pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 12:36am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:08pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 1:38pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>yoblackgranny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:14am<b>dcam13</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 7:40am<b>gshocker20</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:48pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:39pm<b>DayDay98</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>lolol123</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:49pm<b>WilliamMurderfac</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:17pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

I’m your new creative director

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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

by carebear1228 / 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

by confusing / 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm / Zimbabwe / Work

Today, my boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon. Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well: for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, "EA Sports, it's in the game." FML

by Apcn / 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

by Holyguacamoly / 05/27/2014 at 7:15am / Iceland / Animals

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

by Mortifiedcharityworker / 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm / Austria / Work

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

by fuck you, jack / 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

by flavored / 11/18/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm / United States (Washington) / Love