This member hasn't filled in their description.
oathkeeper99's FML badges
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs
by IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish / 03/03/2016 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML
by kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment / 01/17/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML
by anon / 12/04/2015 at 7:32pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/26/2015 at 3:45am / India (West Bengal) / Love
Today, I was working customer service at a large grocery store. I recently got a small, tasteful septum piercing that is barely visible. As I greeted a customer, she began to gag, held out her hand as though she was fending me off, and said, "I can't. Your nose ring makes me sick." FML
by a_dani365 / 07/06/2015 at 5:37pm / United States (Nebraska) / Holidays
Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML
by cat.imakittycat. / 04/07/2015 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Animals
by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML
by Y_Y / 02/27/2015 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML
by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML
by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I drove an hour to a friend's wedding. Realizing I was too early, I sat in my car at a gas station and watched The Office to kill time. I walked in to see the newly married couple escorting the last few rows out. I had been told the wrong time and the wedding was over. FML
by hales90 / 08/10/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love