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npereira's FML badges
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npereira's favorite FMLs
Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
by a4rk / 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm / Malaysia (Sarawak) / Work
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
by Jenna / 07/03/2012 at 7:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love
Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML
by probablydeadbymidnight / 07/01/2012 at 6:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 9:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML
by ExplosiveDildo / 06/22/2012 at 9:08am / Afghanistan / Geek
by Rose / 06/15/2012 at 1:54am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 10:54am / China (Jiangsu) / Health
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/10/2012 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML
by hackshack / 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Miscellaneous
by BooBabe / 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by ironyisabitch / 06/02/2012 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by blocked / 05/29/2012 at 6:24pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed…