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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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nom_nom_nom's favorite FMLs

Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML

#8801488 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (25285) - you deserved it (3671)

On 03/03/2010 at 4:18pm - misc - by uHazFailedTotall - Norway (Rogaland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

#8797519 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (3571) - you deserved it (13333)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:34am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I lit some candles while waiting for my girlfriend to come over. I was trying to be romantic. Suddenly, I hear screaming from my bedroom. I run in thinking it was my girlfriend. Turns out my cat lit his whiskers on fire by sniffing the candles. FML

#6632857 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (20042) - you deserved it (3779)

On 12/06/2009 at 11:30am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

#6050318 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (20509) - you deserved it (4613)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

#5831331 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (6975) - you deserved it (14658)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

#5830310 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (5393) - you deserved it (22278)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by LasagnaRawks (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

#5636942 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (8466) - you deserved it (28611)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by Rizzle (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

#5598991 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (26601) - you deserved it (7556)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by asshole (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

#5386120 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (34540) - you deserved it (4006)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:16am - love - by Imaginary girlfriend - Sent from mobile version

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

#5189179 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (14461)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm - work - by jeph23 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

#5102101 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (42851) - you deserved it (6008)

On 09/07/2009 at 9:32am - love - by GasAttack (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" . I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

#4970470 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (10122)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:30am - health - by pussyOUT (man) - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (37360) - you deserved it (9230)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

#4921457 (46)

I agree, your life sucks (27849) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (52109) - you deserved it (11872)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)