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nitemare0

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nitemare0

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 820
  • Number of comments : 76
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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nitemare0's page activity

Visits<b>willbur73q</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 7:27pm<b>blackb23</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 6:02pm

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nitemare0's favorite FMLs

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10739) - you deserved it (36876)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

#18093581
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21593) - you deserved it (2508)

On 10/28/2011 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

#18062520
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45365) - you deserved it (2667)

On 10/24/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by lonely - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31145) - you deserved it (5788)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13458) - you deserved it (34828)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

#14545580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32895) - you deserved it (2723)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

#13060463
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7475) - you deserved it (21414)

On 09/15/2010 at 11:01am - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (3928)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32048) - you deserved it (7740)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

#12337328
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23337) - you deserved it (37389)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML

#12247405
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8121) - you deserved it (73969)

On 08/01/2010 at 3:41pm - misc - by Our Talisman - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

#9041294
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33009) - you deserved it (2363)

On 03/13/2010 at 5:35am - intimacy - by Grossed Out - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8799) - you deserved it (32747)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50055) - you deserved it (7896)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

#6933168
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29009) - you deserved it (10473)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)



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