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nissa0909's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML
by Mike / 12/17/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by cheezmaster / 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by FYLyfer / 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm / United States / Intimacy
by roadbikemama / 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML
by dontpanic / 09/21/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML
by asdfas / 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
by drugged_on_arrival / 09/10/2009 at 6:55am / Virgin Islands British / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
by Co-B / 09/03/2009 at 4:59pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML
by Fibericon / 08/17/2009 at 4:02pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Work
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML
by OfCourse / 06/27/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
by meantowheels / 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous