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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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nishman686

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nishman686
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 408
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

#4623862 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (32882) - you deserved it (7007)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

#4501918 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (36851) - you deserved it (8742)

On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

#2816506 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (41995) - you deserved it (4237)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by chuchie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73321) - you deserved it (13613)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said "is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" and when I answered "yes," he turned and walked out of the room. FML

#2693360 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (44019) - you deserved it (4261)

On 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by szinna - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

#2688793 (488)

I agree, your life sucks (24334) - you deserved it (224133)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

#2526721 (259)

I agree, your life sucks (55465) - you deserved it (4212)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

#2514787 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (22283) - you deserved it (46274)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

#795380 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (24453) - you deserved it (64480)

On 04/04/2009 at 1:59am - intimacy - by GrandmasWhore (woman) - United States (Virginia)