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Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7045) - you totally deserved it (27399)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mom left for Italy at 4 in the morning. I found a note in my lunch that said "Sorry hun! I'm not coming back! Say bye to Cessna for me!" Cessna is her cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33590) - you totally deserved it (1140)
On 10/10/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by hate (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17066) - you totally deserved it (2201)
On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I was lying in bed late at night trying to fall asleep. I blew my nose on a kleenex and was too lazy to get up and put it in the garbage. I threw it under my bed when I heard a whispery voice say "Thank you". It was my little brother trying to scare me. I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38494) - you totally deserved it (7557)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31521) - you totally deserved it (12859)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11321) - you totally deserved it (37250)
On 05/24/2009 at 9:44am - misc - by burned (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, a litte girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then proceeded to put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41401) - you totally deserved it (1641)
On 05/14/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by thisreallyhappened (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16456) - you totally deserved it (35632)
On 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by fartmaster (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (158866) - you totally deserved it (10787)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (353699) - you totally deserved it (15302)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (343772) - you totally deserved it (50756)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)
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