nicci0688

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nicci0688

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  • Number of visits : 934
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nicci0688's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

by . / 08/05/2016 at 12:57pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

by so unsexy / 08/04/2016 at 5:32pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML

by Ummm / 08/03/2016 at 3:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML

by Jay703 / 08/02/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

by sad_unicorn / 07/31/2016 at 12:51am / Love

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

by :( / 07/31/2016 at 12:18am / United States / Love

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2016 at 2:10pm / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

by chickfilady / 07/28/2016 at 11:10pm / Work

Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML

Today, my friend and I were brushing our teeth, standing side by side. We both have a sympathy gag reflex. He brushed his tongue and gagged, which caused me to gag. So we had a never ending gag-fest until we both began throwing up and couldn't stop until one of us could manage to hold it in. FML

by StateOfEuphoria / 07/24/2016 at 6:52pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home from work early and caught my boyfriend in bed with my best friend. I'm such a pushover that I told them they have to finish up and she needs to get out of my house. FML

by DFTBA but FML / 07/22/2016 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

by not even / 07/21/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

by Geckosrock99 / 07/20/2016 at 1:58am / Animals

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a random girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

by aurora320 / 07/19/2016 at 3:50pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Love