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nerdtron430

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nerdtron430
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nerdtron430's favorite FMLs

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

#20988052
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35203) - you deserved it (17595)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

#20985190
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44630) - you deserved it (4864)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45647) - you deserved it (3912)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43451) - you deserved it (6596)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40133) - you deserved it (6211) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34106) - you deserved it (10958)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, a S.W.A.T team raided my apartment. The reason? My landlord watched a documentary about serial killers. I work at a daycare center. FML

#20979196
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38118) - you deserved it (2465)

On 12/03/2013 at 8:24am - misc - by pois0n (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38473) - you deserved it (14597)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

#20974338
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22061) - you deserved it (35001)

On 11/29/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44637) - you deserved it (3660)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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