Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

neonvortex

Offline (8 hours ago) | Search for a member

neonvortex

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7827
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About neonvortex : been here since 2011. just your average FML addict (with the exception of commenting :p)

neonvortex's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:58pm<b>ligerzero459</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:58am<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 10:11pm<b>Ardeku</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 10:53pm<b>Mons</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:57am<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 6:40pm<b>p_diddy77</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 11:47am<b>Koizumie</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 3:22am<b>ohnowhyme123</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:02am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:27am<b>FMLworthy5000</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 4:58am<b>tyler_jay</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 11:47pm<b>rkdstp1995</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 12:41pm<b>thatguynamedsky</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:06am<b>mosquito19</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 1:55am<b>MissEris</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 11:06pm<b>olive_r</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 8:00pm<b>K40RU</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 6:36pm

Fucked!<b>olive_r</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 2:00am

neonvortex's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of neonvortex's badges

neonvortex's favorite FMLs

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21473) - you deserved it (1860)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27251) - you deserved it (2627)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

#21410986
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33338) - you deserved it (1988)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27677) - you deserved it (2660)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28948) - you deserved it (2192)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

#21409928
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31253) - you deserved it (6893)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30144) - you deserved it (3006)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

#21407637
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29000) - you deserved it (4267)

On 05/10/2015 at 4:40am - love - by gassygirlfriend - United States (Idaho)

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18072) - you deserved it (33942)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (6731)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

#21405167
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29328) - you deserved it (3097)

On 05/05/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

#21403358
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25856) - you deserved it (2093)

On 05/02/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

#21403286
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (2352)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

#21402940
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14144) - you deserved it (28879)

On 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

#21401631
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (3578)

On 04/29/2015 at 7:11am - love - by xxlenalunaxx (woman) - United States (Texas)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: