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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today , while at the doctor's , a week overdue with my frst child , I was told that sex an orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home , my boyfriend asked fir road head , arguing that ( She said that stuff about orgasms. ) Not you , honey. FML
TODAY, MAH BOYFRIEND AND I WENT TO MAH PARENTS' BARBECUE . HE KNEW MAH FAMILY IS EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS, SOHAT DID HE DO? CALLED FOR SILENCE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, NAMELY: "GOD ISN'T REAL." CUE A RIOT THAT ENDED IN US BIENG KICKED OUT AND ME ALL BUT DISOWNED FOR "PUTTING HIM UP TO IT" . MEGA FML
2day at a family dinner, my moter-in-law talked me into sowing off some moves tat I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining old on er. Se screamed tat I was trying to break er wrists, and kept te wounded act up all nigt, smirking as everyone gave me deat glares. FML
Today... I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere... a car slowd down in the street... an a passenger screamd ( HAPPY 4TH OF JULY... MOTHERFUCKER... ) before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML
Yesterday, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, mah father lookd me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon!! The 'other' pink meat", then winkd suggestively at mah mother!! I don't think I can ever eat fish again!! mega FML
Today... mah manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of mah displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme... but because it looool was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML
Today , I Cummad Homa From Work To Findhita Fabric And Crystals All Ovar Tha Apartmant Floor. I Followad Tha Trail Of Dastruction To Mah Badroom,hara Mah Roommata Had Laft Our Closat Door Opan. Apparantly , Har Cats Dacidad That Mah Wadding Gown Was To Ba Thair Nawast Conquast. Maga FML
Today, I was catting online wit several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bord out of mind, I clickd to rename te conversation to "Boring sit wit almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it fir everyone. FML
Friday 27 March 2015