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neonberries

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neonberries
  • Town/Country : London, UK
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 751
  • Number of comments : 103
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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neonberries's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

#21112140
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34916) - you deserved it (3940)

On 04/13/2014 at 6:16pm - misc - by -.- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

#21015236
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40795) - you deserved it (4605)

On 01/03/2014 at 6:03am - kids - by noway (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

#21012505
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40934) - you deserved it (3070)

On 01/01/2014 at 2:49am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I am just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

#20969727
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46313) - you deserved it (2039)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:03am - work - by unemployed and bereaved (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57929) - you deserved it (4168)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Snapchat. FML

#20891755
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40208) - you deserved it (3207)

On 09/22/2013 at 4:41pm - misc - by mish (woman) - United Kingdom (Herefordshire)

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

#20890032
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20839) - you deserved it (43074)

On 09/21/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by CandyCrushAddict (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46587) - you deserved it (5961)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40051) - you deserved it (2788)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44611) - you deserved it (7900)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

#20826525
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43981) - you deserved it (4893)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:09am - kids - by NextAmericanIdol? - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

#20825844
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40998) - you deserved it (4507)

On 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe (woman) - Sweden



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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