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nemo206

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nemo206

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nemo206's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

#14199411
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14360) - you deserved it (27006)

On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112298) - you deserved it (15229)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

#13570264
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (3690)

On 10/24/2010 at 12:11am - love - by altocrm - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

#11966338
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28296) - you deserved it (17649)

On 07/18/2010 at 5:47pm - misc - by anonmys - United States (California)

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

#7450891
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25603) - you deserved it (5484)

On 01/20/2010 at 1:17am - intimacy - by ilovesocks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

#7400225
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16856) - you deserved it (28352)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by Jac (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

#4226426
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17023) - you deserved it (51827)

On 08/02/2009 at 7:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40420) - you deserved it (6186)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59224) - you deserved it (7112)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19578) - you deserved it (69933)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

#221601
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46438) - you deserved it (25469)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)



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