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need2sleep

Offline (the 10/16/2014 at 6:01am) | Search for a member

need2sleep

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 31 December 1977 (36 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 311
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About need2sleep : Long time FML lurker. I love a good laugh!

need2sleep's page activity

Visits<b>niamhyy</b> - the 03/17/2013 at 6:14pm<b>blackman100</b> - the 03/16/2013 at 2:44pm<b>CaintReadFML</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 1:09pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 1:03pm<b>misslysiak</b> - the 02/18/2013 at 5:47am<b>Aero25</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 3:43pm<b>micron45</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 2:11pm<b>kingshad2622</b> - the 01/28/2013 at 8:14am<b>ThriceWritten</b> - the 01/21/2013 at 6:06pm<b>zombieslayer83</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 8:31am<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 3:08pm<b>Casper19</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 2:52pm<b>brand864</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 2:34pm<b>Octain</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 3:04am<b>wtffml1979</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 2:50am

need2sleep's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of need2sleep's badges

need2sleep's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

#20567111
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35521) - you deserved it (13970)

On 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

#20517994
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12096) - you deserved it (46618)

On 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home, I finally finished the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape, along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML

#20503623
93 comments

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24519) - you deserved it (3828)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15180) - you deserved it (54026)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31441) - you deserved it (4370)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

#20498655
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (2484)

On 02/08/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

#20498635
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31506) - you deserved it (4634)

On 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm - love - by and she doesn't even give bjs (man) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML

#20497288
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28873) - you deserved it (2115)

On 02/07/2013 at 5:56pm - misc - by fineillpissthebedthen (man) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31041) - you deserved it (19824)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

#20489969
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36796) - you deserved it (4018)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

#20471171
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (7553)

On 01/21/2013 at 12:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26479) - you deserved it (14115)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

#20466497
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (5371)

On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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