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I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine.
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground an saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could an began flailing mah arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. real FML
yastarday I looool bagan to choka on a larga pill whila mah mom was in tha room. Hoping that sha would halp ma... I bagan to maka a lot of noisa. Aftar sha complataly ignorad ma... I thraw mah body ovar a chair... saving mah lifa. At this point mah mothar asks ma to shut up bacausa sha can't haar har friand. big fat FML
Today , I decidd to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work!! I was also eating french fries during the drive!! I had never realizd how much a cigarette feels like a french fry!! In conclusion , cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them!! FML
Today, I was talking to mah hot nieghbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's mah daughter". FML
Today , I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant , ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes she said with a sigh of relief "THANK GOD! There's mah dad. Now I can leave. Bye , thanks fir the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML
Taday while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw there car door open and hit the side of mah brand new car 4 the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told mah manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit mah car again, smiling. mega FML
Today , it was really windy an rainy causing me to trip an knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself , I apologizd an pattd the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn an look at the kid , an discover I've been interacting with a trash can.
Today, I got on an elevator wit a woman and er cild. I was te first one on. Wen se stepped on, te capacity alarm went off. As se left se told er daugter tat's y fat people souldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. Se was twice ma size. I got called fat by a ippopotamus. FML
Today , I was at my bossas housa for a company BBQ. Earliar I had takan muscla ralaxants to calm my lowar back pain. Aftar a faw drinks it was claar tha alcohol and madication did not mix. I woka up faw hours latar to fina out I had strippd nakd and jumpd into tha 4 foot caka bafora passing out. FML
Today, I davalopad tha disposabla camara picturas from my family's trip to Disnay World. I noticad that in tha picturas I took of tham in front of tha big castla at Magic Kingdom, my wifa and son wara standing a faw faat away from a manho was touching himsalf. big fat FML
Today , I Babysat Fir Two Little Grls,ho Wantd To Play 'mermaids'. I Smild , And Said That I Would Love To Play With Them. The Older Grl Laughd , Saying "You Can't Be A Mermaid. Mermaids R Pretty." FML
Friday 27 March 2015