This member hasn't filled in the description.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29372) - you deserved it (2307)
On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35334) - you deserved it (11293)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29089) - you deserved it (4553)
On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20284) - you deserved it (3268)
On 02/27/2012 at 6:06am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - United States
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24951) - you deserved it (3133) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24496) - you deserved it (3462)
On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22536) - you deserved it (3167)
On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28633) - you deserved it (8927)
On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30653) - you deserved it (3231)
On 07/30/2011 at 10:07am - misc - by ewww - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23370) - you deserved it (3158)
On 07/23/2011 at 3:49am - love - by MaHalKiTa (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37853) - you deserved it (3556)
On 07/21/2011 at 8:20pm - money - by iwantmoney - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10034) - you deserved it (154525)
On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States
Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38171) - you deserved it (4645)
On 06/16/2011 at 1:42am - misc - by mike oxsmall - United States
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43561) - you deserved it (4164)
On 06/05/2011 at 12:14am - love - by longlostkid556 (man) - United States (California)
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37914) - you deserved it (2538)
On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
