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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38391) - you deserved it (7821)
On 07/02/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States (California)
Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76821) - you deserved it (3294)
On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11457) - you deserved it (36198)
On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9661) - you deserved it (47061)
On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (137064) - you deserved it (19618)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17765) - you deserved it (54982)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41369) - you deserved it (3516)
On 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53819) - you deserved it (3579)
On 06/22/2009 at 5:03am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7674) - you deserved it (43073)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31893) - you deserved it (3398)
On 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35974) - you deserved it (4293)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41918) - you deserved it (2139)
On 06/18/2009 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37596) - you deserved it (17067)
On 06/15/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12588) - you deserved it (35817)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34122) - you deserved it (9065)
On 06/14/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by Rainman (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
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