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Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38194) - you totally deserved it (1327)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm - kids - by ahhahaha (man) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was fired from my volunteer job. Why? Because they said I was working so hard and doing such a good job that I was making the real staff look bad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42765) - you totally deserved it (2004)
On 07/05/2009 at 3:04pm - work - by WorkingGirl (woman) - United States (South Dakota)
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26583) - you totally deserved it (12639)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you totally deserved it (8868)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:57pm - health - by Stupido (man) - United States (California)
Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36007) - you totally deserved it (2691)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31094) - you totally deserved it (1524)
On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26278) - you totally deserved it (2060)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:53am - money - by iloveZELOS (woman) - United States
Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28557) - you totally deserved it (3965)
On 07/04/2009 at 6:48pm - misc - by litup (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50459) - you totally deserved it (4809)
On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43033) - you totally deserved it (17391)
On 05/04/2009 at 5:09am - kids - by Amey (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43270) - you totally deserved it (2033)
On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60347) - you totally deserved it (4546)
On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgewise for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (113053) - you totally deserved it (3470)
On 04/06/2009 at 7:46pm - misc - by CT (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (157424) - you totally deserved it (10526)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed, told me all the things he loved about me, got down on one knee and pulled out the little blue box I had been hoping for, for so long. He opened the box and there was a note inside that said, "April Fools!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (157867) - you totally deserved it (14500)
On 04/01/2009 at 9:44am - love - by twstedillusion (woman) - United States (Texas)
