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mutt18

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  • Number of visits : 139
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mutt18's favorite FMLs

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20262) - you deserved it (2009)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

#20161493
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22236) - you deserved it (4640)

On 11/13/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

#20161493
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22236) - you deserved it (4640)

On 11/13/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

#20161445
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (2014)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:49am - work - by ConstructionLady (woman) - United States

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

#20160706
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5952) - you deserved it (48689)

On 11/12/2012 at 5:08pm - money - by dgilbs - United States (Michigan)

Today, due to a health insurance mix up, my schizophrenic girlfriend has been off her meds for a little over a week. She's convinced I can read her mind, and if I don't stop "pretending" she'll slit my throat in my sleep. Her medication won't be available for at least another two weeks. FML

#20159457
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23707) - you deserved it (2239)

On 11/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

#20158993
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25536) - you deserved it (2905)

On 11/11/2012 at 2:11pm - money - by youfuckingslut (man) - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

#20158993
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25536) - you deserved it (2905)

On 11/11/2012 at 2:11pm - money - by youfuckingslut (man) - United States

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39989) - you deserved it (1822)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27650) - you deserved it (3122)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

#20145539
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8325) - you deserved it (29298)

On 11/03/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20144868
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19297) - you deserved it (3384)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:23pm - work - by YOUFUCKINGFUCKSOCK (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28429) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)



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