murph

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Offline (the 12/03/2016 at 1:17am)

murph

16Fucked!

murphmurph
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 June 1977 (39 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7774
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About murph : From Vermont, got chickens and a garden, it's sweet. Atheist and ordained minister. Got 3 daughters and a wood chipper. We split wood, drive trucks and eat meat. And I see your concrete creeping, city folk.

murph's page activity

Visits<b>colton_colton</b> - yesterday at 8:06pm<b>KismetSiren</b> - the 12/02/2016 at 11:39pm<b>NewYorkGuy69</b> - the 11/28/2016 at 12:20pm<b>PotatoGod</b> - the 11/28/2016 at 6:10am<b>brooklyn0118</b> - the 11/19/2016 at 12:18am<b>BeetleBug96</b> - the 10/19/2016 at 4:09am<b>coyotefox</b> - the 10/08/2016 at 4:45am<b>claudiajean</b> - the 10/08/2016 at 1:50am<b>Tenker</b> - the 10/08/2016 at 1:09am<b>FantomLightning</b> - the 10/07/2016 at 8:16pm<b>cuz803</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 6:58pm<b>michu</b> - the 09/29/2016 at 1:35pm<b>LittleRed79</b> - the 09/29/2016 at 10:56am<b>TheNehman</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 1:38am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 09/20/2016 at 9:28pm<b>ItnHmn</b> - the 09/05/2016 at 9:56pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 6:08am<b>iheartbananas</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 7:24pm

Fucked!<b>coyotefox</b> - the 10/08/2016 at 10:45am<b>cuz803</b> - the 10/01/2016 at 12:59am<b>Marteeny23</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 5:05am<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 10:17pm<b>T_Rev1017</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 1:52am<b>MotherOfMonkeys</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 8:35pm<b>PenguinsLaugh</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 1:30am<b>lilithfury</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 4:27pm<b>Amz1200</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 7:14am<b>feven</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 2:51pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 9:22pm<b>blazerman</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 3:08am<b>alicat089</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 10:33pm<b>milkie</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 5:45pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 1:45pm<b>psshhh</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 10:40am

murph's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of murph's badges

murph's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

by BreechInEducation / 11/27/2016 at 1:55am / Love

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

by Wanaaa / 11/25/2016 at 2:08am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

by funnyERstory / 11/22/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

by calgarygal / 11/22/2016 at 9:53pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML

by Crazy In-Laws / 11/20/2016 at 5:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

by anonymous / 11/19/2016 at 1:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML

by Stupid Pregnancy Brain / 11/18/2016 at 8:45am / Love

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

by Rain / 11/14/2016 at 6:43am / Money

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

by Knittedbirch / 11/13/2016 at 9:36pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

by anonymous / 11/10/2016 at 9:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

by catbum / 11/09/2016 at 10:54pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Animals

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public bathroom. As I was about to put the tampon into the sanitary bin, I dropped it and it rolled under the stall next to mine. It was occupied. FML

by Sarah_Mow / 10/27/2016 at 10:31pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

by bagadigi / 10/27/2016 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 4:31am / Intimacy

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 1:06am / Miscellaneous