About murph : From Vermont, got chickens and a garden, it's sweet. Atheist and ordained minister. Got 3 daughters and a wood chipper. Fuck Democrats and Republicans, I'm voting for Bernie anyway.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
murph's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML
by NoDocVisit / 07/26/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog that had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML
by notapetkiller / 07/26/2016 at 2:12am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Mj / 07/19/2016 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML
by loserman67 / 07/18/2016 at 8:04am / Intimacy
by DidNotExpectThat / 07/18/2016 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML
by ObviousBooty / 07/17/2016 at 3:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 8:31am / Miscellaneous
by Heknowsnothing / 07/13/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
by dumped and dusted / 07/13/2016 at 1:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Foot In Mouth / 07/12/2016 at 10:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML
by faily_tales / 07/10/2016 at 8:37pm / United States / Intimacy
by Poordaughter5 / 07/06/2016 at 1:21pm / Germany / Miscellaneous
by drpepperking10 / 07/02/2016 at 7:27pm / United States / Love
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Kids