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murph

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murph

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 June 1977 (38 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4553
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About murph : You know what they say about Vermont. It's all true.

I dig motorcycles, guns, tattoos & off-roading in my Tacoma. I've got a garden. It's sweet, like you'd expect. Ordained minister of absolutely fucking nothing, but it's still legit. Love my kids more than anything. Hate corporations & Republicans. Think libertarians are Republicans who smoke pot. Can't wait for the revolution, or zombie apocalypse, whichever comes first. Voting for Bernie. Couldn't care less about what anyone else thinks about anything.

murph's page activity

Visits<b>hannahmabry14</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 3:05pm<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 2:09pm<b>NNOTCHO</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 10:26am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 7:31pm<b>milkie</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 11:45am<b>acp2002</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 2:07am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 2:52pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 7:45am<b>43bubba34</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 1:39pm<b>piker117</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 1:52pm<b>alisenpai</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 11:12am<b>emxy92</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 8:24pm<b>N0tMatt</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 12:00pm<b>RektRules</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 8:53am<b>Eating_Tin</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 7:05am<b>Squygm</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 6:33am<b>hayleycasford</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 6:17am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 4:52am

Fucked!<b>milkie</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 5:45pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 1:45pm<b>psshhh</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 10:40am

murph's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of murph's badges

murph's favorite FMLs

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22473) - you deserved it (1782)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22673) - you deserved it (4450)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

#21446986
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25921) - you deserved it (1698)

On 07/25/2015 at 11:51am - love - by WhoLikesPie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27042) - you deserved it (1642)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

#21444969
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25955) - you deserved it (2295)

On 07/21/2015 at 11:17am - misc - by father-in-nope (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28949) - you deserved it (3793)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

#21443327
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28275) - you deserved it (4474)

On 07/18/2015 at 1:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32994) - you deserved it (2320)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

#21441140
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22350) - you deserved it (10734)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by Nigel - United States

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

#21438976
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39090) - you deserved it (2159)

On 07/09/2015 at 10:38am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom died when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered "Women drivers." FML

#21438456
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32737) - you deserved it (2683)

On 07/08/2015 at 10:44am - love - by freshly single (woman) - Aruba

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

#21438428
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23137) - you deserved it (2402)

On 07/08/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by grossed out mom - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

#21436083
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27652) - you deserved it (2365)

On 07/03/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by okaydisarray (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

#21435950
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26436) - you deserved it (3245)

On 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while swimming in my neighborhood pool, I noticed what looked like several cigarettes resting at the bottom and decided to investigate. Turns out it was actually just a used, bloody tampon that had spent enough time underwater to be broken into multiple pieces, and spread across the pool. FML

#21435503
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23880) - you deserved it (1840)

On 07/02/2015 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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