About murlocholmes : Hey. You're checking my profile out... I want to make it clear that I'm not ok with this.
Seriously, get outta here.
I mean now.
Get out!
Leave me alone!
Screw this, I'm going to masturbate. There's food in the fridge.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19517) - you deserved it (1620)
On 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm - misc - by wow, thanks (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16564) - you deserved it (1505)
On 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25195) - you deserved it (2212)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)
Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17415) - you deserved it (5637)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19575) - you deserved it (1880)
On 08/15/2012 at 7:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23274) - you deserved it (2171)
On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40357) - you deserved it (5154)
On 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by explainer (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31198) - you deserved it (3066)
On 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by miley098 - United Kingdom (London)
Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16142) - you deserved it (7110)
On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22119) - you deserved it (5069)
On 10/26/2011 at 2:35pm - health - by lanikai610 - United States
Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26598) - you deserved it (2965)
On 10/23/2011 at 8:38am - love - by mrs.nerd - United States
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35790) - you deserved it (3758)
On 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by boopadoop - United States
Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29959) - you deserved it (3669)
On 10/16/2011 at 3:15am - work - by Unemployed - United States (Oregon)
Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17416) - you deserved it (1842)
On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17416) - you deserved it (1842)
On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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