murlocholmes

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murlocholmes

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1054
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About murlocholmes : Hey. You're checking my profile out... I want to make it clear that I'm not ok with this.
Seriously, get outta here.
I mean now.
Get out!
Leave me alone!
Screw this, I'm going to masturbate. There's food in the fridge.

murlocholmes's page activity

Visits<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 2:50am<b>hamburgerjung</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 7:30am<b>Ben14h</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 10:48pm<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 3:33am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 10:18pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 4:45am<b>LilHitla</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 9:03pm<b>emilygail99</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 11:42pm<b>bluejayfan02</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 7:56pm<b>GwennaRose</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 10:38pm<b>curticus</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 7:37am<b>kybrooks</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 6:34pm<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 8:05pm<b>lunarah</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 4:00pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 3:27am<b>Demonking</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 8:32pm<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 11:48am<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 3:56pm

murlocholmes's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of murlocholmes's badges

murlocholmes's favorite FMLs

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

by wow, thanks / 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt / 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

by itwasmyfavoriteshirt / 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

by lonely. / 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

by lisahb / 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

by explainer / 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

by miley098 / 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

by ricksterile / 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

by lanikai610 / 10/26/2011 at 2:35pm / United States / Health

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

by mrs.nerd / 10/23/2011 at 8:38am / United States / Love

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

by Unemployed / 10/16/2011 at 3:15am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

by brit / 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

by brit / 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous