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murlocholmes

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murlocholmes
  • Town/Country : ,
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 626
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About murlocholmes : Hey. You're checking my profile out... I want to make it clear that I'm not ok with this.
Seriously, get outta here.
I mean now.
Get out!
Leave me alone!
Screw this, I'm going to masturbate. There's food in the fridge.

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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murlocholmes's favorite FMLs

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

#20027054
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21367) - you deserved it (1707)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm - misc - by wow, thanks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

#20026361
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18554) - you deserved it (1919)

On 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

#20024649
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29920) - you deserved it (2902)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

#20022524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21068) - you deserved it (7472)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

#20022255
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24105) - you deserved it (2593)

On 08/15/2012 at 7:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

#19814133
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28212) - you deserved it (2587)

On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

#18192862
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43924) - you deserved it (6224)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by explainer (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

#18138083
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34713) - you deserved it (3854)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by miley098 - United Kingdom (London)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19884) - you deserved it (9244)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

#18080795
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25779) - you deserved it (6548)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:35pm - health - by lanikai610 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

#18052733
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (3870)

On 10/23/2011 at 8:38am - love - by mrs.nerd - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

#17996037
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (4701)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:15am - work - by Unemployed - United States (Oregon)

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

#17975485
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20993) - you deserved it (2412)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

#17975485
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20993) - you deserved it (2412)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)



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