Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

murlocholmes

Search for a member

murlocholmes

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 665
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About murlocholmes : Hey. You're checking my profile out... I want to make it clear that I'm not ok with this.
Seriously, get outta here.
I mean now.
Get out!
Leave me alone!
Screw this, I'm going to masturbate. There's food in the fridge.

murlocholmes's page activity

Visits<b>kybrooks</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 6:34pm<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 8:05pm<b>GwennaRose</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 12:48am<b>lunarah</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 4:00pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 3:27am<b>Demonking</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 8:32pm<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 11:48am<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 3:56pm<b>Rizzen</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 2:06pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 6:57am<b>grievousgirl</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 11:44pm<b>ImTheAlpha</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 9:36pm<b>WiseGirl98</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 1:18am<b>Link5794</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 5:52pm<b>auriane</b> - the 11/08/2011 at 8:47pm<b>THEotherDOC</b> - the 11/08/2011 at 10:02am<b>Epikouros</b> - the 11/08/2011 at 9:40am<b>homieg1995</b> - the 09/11/2011 at 2:37pm

murlocholmes's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of murlocholmes's badges

murlocholmes's favorite FMLs

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

#20027054
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24349) - you deserved it (1929)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm - misc - by wow, thanks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

#20026361
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22096) - you deserved it (2257)

On 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

#20024649
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32866) - you deserved it (3179)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

#20022524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23004) - you deserved it (7857)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

#20022255
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (2877)

On 08/15/2012 at 7:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

#19814133
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29526) - you deserved it (2717)

On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

#18192862
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48343) - you deserved it (6706)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by explainer (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

#18138083
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37859) - you deserved it (4152)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by miley098 - United Kingdom (London)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (9497)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

#18080795
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27008) - you deserved it (6747)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:35pm - health - by lanikai610 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

#18052733
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32438) - you deserved it (4009)

On 10/23/2011 at 8:38am - love - by mrs.nerd - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

#17996037
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35391) - you deserved it (4979)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:15am - work - by Unemployed - United States (Oregon)

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

#17975485
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22436) - you deserved it (2538)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

#17975485
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22436) - you deserved it (2538)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: