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murk2035's favorite FMLs
by HaHa Not Funny / 08/02/2011 at 12:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by preggo / 07/31/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounds a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML
by Branski / 07/28/2011 at 8:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by oouchh / 07/24/2011 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
by assante2010 / 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
by John / 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 7:04am / Australia / Intimacy
by it_IS_just_me / 07/17/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Username / 07/14/2011 at 4:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML
by Ashleighx94 / 07/04/2011 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…