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murk2035's favorite FMLs
Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 1:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy
by girlsx2mom / 08/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
by mystupidson / 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Annie / 08/30/2011 at 11:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
by bobin / 08/29/2011 at 1:17pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML
by j_babydoll6520 / 08/26/2011 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by momma6126 / 08/25/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Say Cheese / 08/22/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by datingmrpicky / 08/21/2011 at 11:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by RensM / 08/20/2011 at 5:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
by W1D0 / 08/20/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML
by KiDCuSHi / 08/20/2011 at 12:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…