murk2035

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murk2035

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 8 October 1987 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2763
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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murk2035's FML badges

Judgmental

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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murk2035's favorite FMLs

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

by xX_nsn_Xx / 02/03/2012 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

by kingpig / 02/02/2012 at 1:00pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Love

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2012 at 5:54pm / Intimacy

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2012 at 6:30am / Australia / Transportation

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

by anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 12:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm / India / Kids

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

by annoying / 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

by VerbalDiarrhea / 01/08/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 12:32am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

by GingerJ / 01/01/2012 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

by cj123 / 12/23/2011 at 3:43am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous