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Mobility
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Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (39869) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20397) - you deserved it (3584)
On 03/15/2012 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by 0stvn0 (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24930) - you deserved it (2484)
On 03/11/2012 at 3:36am - love - by Tristan Brantley - United States (California)
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17303) - you deserved it (16212)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15747) - you deserved it (2235)
On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13949) - you deserved it (20571)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7288) - you deserved it (38900)
On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25713) - you deserved it (1952)
On 02/22/2012 at 10:49pm - kids - by crzyry (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9408) - you deserved it (31478)
On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)
Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18485) - you deserved it (2607)
On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)
Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (4579)
On 02/21/2012 at 1:03pm - love - by Djcc - United States
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38454) - you deserved it (3398)
On 02/18/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by hatinthelife - United States (Utah)
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38454) - you deserved it (3398)
On 02/18/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by hatinthelife - United States (Utah)
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25972) - you deserved it (5432)
On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33579) - you deserved it (6845)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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