I'm awesome
Today, I found out that by brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of warcraft money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47215) - you totally deserved it (2317)
On 07/27/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Anon (woman) - Singapore
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
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On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML
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On 07/12/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by yesnomaybeso7 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML
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On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
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On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking slowly and awkwardly down the stairs on my crutches. After two steps, a screw fell out of the left crutch and it collapsed. I now have a broken arm from trying to protect my broken leg as I tumbled down two flights of stairs. FML
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On 04/07/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by eeee (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38478) - you totally deserved it (135131)
On 04/03/2009 at 12:19am - love - by kenken2 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML
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On 03/23/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by ButtahSauce (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49272) - you totally deserved it (15410)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58193) - you totally deserved it (6530)
On 03/18/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by lemonjuice (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
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On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomache hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and proceeded to take a huge dump. Turns out I chose the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
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On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, I was with my 6th grade class. During recess, we were talking about growing up and getting older. I said that one day, they'd start to look like me. Two of my students started crying. FML
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On 03/10/2009 at 7:58pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While Im brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
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On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML
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On 02/23/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by holladaddy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
