mssammydean

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mssammydean

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5512
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mssammydean's page activity

Visits<b>odog815</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 12:17pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:16pm<b>saebybaby</b> - the 06/14/2011 at 5:13am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 1:52am

mssammydean's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mssammydean's favorite FMLs

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

by saddened97 / 01/20/2011 at 4:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Health

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Animals

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Intimacy

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / Belgium / Miscellaneous

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 11:44am / Switzerland / Health

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Love

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love

Today, and ever since I was born, I've had a lazy eye. This morning my boyfriend broke up with me. He thought it was funny to state that we just weren't looking at life in the same way. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love