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mserrato's favorite FMLs
Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML
by wow / 12/11/2011 at 8:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my parents got a call from my English teacher. She told them that I have 14 days of detention because I've been cutting class. I've been there every day, but apparently she never noticed me. FML
by Bree / 10/22/2011 at 7:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by titoutou222 / 10/22/2011 at 8:40am / France / Kids
Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML
by tom0441 / 10/22/2011 at 4:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Ugh / 09/20/2011 at 6:07am / United States (Washington) / Money
by FullOfNick / 09/10/2011 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML
by bandit99999 / 08/19/2011 at 2:59pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML
by duped / 08/15/2011 at 1:45am / Pakistan (Punjab) / Money
Today, I was supposed to catch a ride with a friend and go to Warped Tour with her. She called at the last minute to say she was sick, so I told her we didn't have to go. I just got a text saying she just got pictures and autographs with the band I especially wanted to see. FML
by brittgreen / 08/11/2011 at 4:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML
by Heartbroken / 06/19/2011 at 10:17pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/11/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML
by Mirorbo / 06/11/2011 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Work
by Username / 06/11/2011 at 1:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML
by Anonyme / 06/10/2011 at 7:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals
by Username / 06/05/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Transportation
- Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing.… Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too… Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was…