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Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20422) - you totally deserved it (3706)
On 12/06/2009 at 12:25am - love - by barfyshirt (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7554) - you totally deserved it (17522)
On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47027) - you totally deserved it (7434)
On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40410) - you totally deserved it (5218)
On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30020) - you totally deserved it (7138)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by WaitingByThePhone (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27467) - you totally deserved it (1926)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Disgusted (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40040) - you totally deserved it (1129)
On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mom's car broke down after leaving the movies. We were waiting on a corner for my dad when a cop pulled up to us. He started to arrest me and my mom for "soliciting sex." Even a cop thinks my mom dresses like a hooker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46954) - you totally deserved it (2814)
On 06/23/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by MIWLF (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54939) - you totally deserved it (10649)
On 06/11/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Lexxi (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14048) - you totally deserved it (35440)
On 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by potpurri_needed (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51498) - you totally deserved it (3657)
On 06/10/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by superman_not (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)
Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54906) - you totally deserved it (3111)
On 05/30/2009 at 2:52am - intimacy - by nevergoingonabusagain (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40649) - you totally deserved it (4293)
On 05/29/2009 at 9:59am - money - by alynn (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9610) - you totally deserved it (39803)
On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38863) - you totally deserved it (1687)
On 05/25/2009 at 9:15pm - love - by cakegirl (man) - United States (Florida)
