A Korean-American violinist in Sydney.
Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML
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On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - misc - by Dog fart - United States
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML
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On 02/01/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Liam. - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss. We were talking about the holiday hours and such. I had to go to my doctor's appointment so I said to him "G2G, love you" on accident. Not only did he say it back, he requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML
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On 12/22/2009 at 1:05pm - work - by ohshat (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was at the airport getting ready to go to Hawaii. The guy at the counter said my flight was delayed. It turns out that the flight that was delayed was a flight going to Miami. My flight left at the regular time, and my luggage was on it, because I checked in the night before. FML
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Today my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
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On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
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On 12/07/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by CH (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML
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On 12/06/2009 at 8:24am - misc - by flying_vegan - United Kingdom
Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML
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On 12/04/2009 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML
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On 12/02/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML
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On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
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On 12/01/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by AprilFlowers - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML
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On 10/06/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by blackedout (woman) - Singapore
Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML
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On 10/05/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by backwardsinlife - United States (Georgia)
Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML
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On 10/04/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Foufinator - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML
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On 10/04/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Britters89 (woman) - United States (California)
