About moonwing : Woof. woof. This is Dallas
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34338) - you deserved it (3398)
On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (54733) - you deserved it (7714)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35592) - you deserved it (3574)
On 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm - love - by ohokay (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23957) - you deserved it (2660)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19907) - you deserved it (8948)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)
Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11984) - you deserved it (1798)
On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States
Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3044) - you deserved it (31506)
On 09/07/2012 at 8:26pm - misc - by scumbag i guess - United States (Texas)
Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3753) - you deserved it (18726)
On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17504) - you deserved it (2122)
On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States
Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15817) - you deserved it (4161)
On 08/20/2012 at 6:06pm - health - by stupidbullcrêpe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)
Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (1625)
On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8862) - you deserved it (31272)
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4647) - you deserved it (26248) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24904) - you deserved it (3451)
Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14389) - you deserved it (4413)
On 06/28/2012 at 1:20am - animals - by lala8940 - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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