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misterjez's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
misterjez's favorite FMLs
by squishylog / 08/12/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/11/2011 at 1:53am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Intimacy
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by 44haley44 / 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML
by magicman / 04/26/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
by courtbabbbby / 02/12/2011 at 1:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/07/2009 at 7:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
by fmlfmlfml / 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
- Today, like every other day, I woke up and made myself a cup of coffee using my French press. After… Today, at work, because I have been having bowel problems I sat longer than normal on the toilet. I… Today, in an elaborate prank, my friend started a small fire in my yard. I tried to put it out and…