misterjez

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Offline (the 02/16/2015 at 4:23pm)

misterjez

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 July 1985 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2264
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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misterjez's page activity

Visits<b>molloy2</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Kaoticwolf</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 8:25am<b>PopularPoptart</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 9:05pm<b>21PGreenDay</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 7:40am<b>couchcat</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 7:50pm<b>constipation</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 7:48pm<b>twerking_riggs</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:39am<b>CarmenCnh</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 5:52am<b>sweeta1485</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 11:24pm<b>saudmx3</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 3:27pm<b>dannnngthatsux</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 1:25pm<b>jellenwood</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 9:47pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 1:13pm<b>PureTime</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:14pm<b>Role448</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 4:13am<b>ghostsoul21</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 5:41pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:56am<b>lotr4</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 11:26am

misterjez's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of misterjez's badges

misterjez's favorite FMLs

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

by MistressSuzuka / 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

by myself / 09/20/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 1:28am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

by freaked out / 08/30/2012 at 4:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

by majorlyturnedoff / 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

by sy123 / 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML

by em from Cali / 07/28/2012 at 4:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2012 at 5:45am / Intimacy

Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 6:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Kids

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

by displeased / 04/05/2012 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy