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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I helped friend,ho is a slob, move out of house . I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed . It was her vibrator . I found it with bare hands . I had to bleach hands twice and I still don't feel clean . fat FML
yesterday a guy I've been seeing for ahile sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clickd the link just to see wat sick shit he wantd to show me. It was my mom. FML
the office I work at puttd up a ( No Masturbating at Desks ) sign. I'm disappointd by this, not cuz I usually whack off at my desk, but cuz enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
yesterday after his second week of babysitting, boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm . He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me . FML
Today I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused mah bowels to release everything right then and there while on the phone with a customer in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML
Today a homeles lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undie looool on. I can never eat salami again. FML
Today, I returned home to parents house, drunk!! Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls!! Five hours later, mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen!! In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge!! FML
TODAY, TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE A LOSER IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDSHO ALL HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, MAH BROTHER MADE UP A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. HE ASKD ME TO GIVE HIM A HICKEY IN EXCHANGE 4 50 EUROS. OUR PARENTS WALKD IN ON US. FML
Friday 27 March 2015