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Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18575) - you deserved it (5209)
On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)
Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19991) - you deserved it (1216)
On 11/07/2012 at 4:16pm - health - by pheebs314 - United States (Washington)
Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37521) - you deserved it (1576)
On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (1468)
On 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm - animals - by AdamwithanA (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10567) - you deserved it (42390)
On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24237) - you deserved it (1496)
On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13001) - you deserved it (17594)
On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48140) - you deserved it (1980)
On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27547) - you deserved it (1471)
On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22764) - you deserved it (1760)
On 08/30/2012 at 4:04am - misc - by freaked out - Canada (Alberta)
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19483) - you deserved it (2465)
On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (2193)
On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States
Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you deserved it (936)
On 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm - health - by sy123 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15047) - you deserved it (1375)
On 07/28/2012 at 4:07am - misc - by em from Cali - United States (California)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8844) - you deserved it (31191)
Monday 20 May 2013
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