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misterjez

Offline (the 02/16/2015 at 4:23pm) | Search for a member

misterjez

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 July 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1875
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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misterjez's page activity

Visits<b>arasx0</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 4:56pm<b>dannnngthatsux</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 1:25pm<b>jellenwood</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 9:47pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 1:13pm<b>PureTime</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:14pm<b>Role448</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 4:13am<b>ghostsoul21</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 5:41pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:56am<b>lotr4</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 11:26am<b>madmaddi147</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:59pm<b>paintedwings12</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:34am<b>mrainesm</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 5:12pm<b>SoMystic</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 3:23pm<b>times22</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 4:39pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 1:47am<b>tboogyman</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 3:55pm<b>jake_lq91</b> - the 03/04/2014 at 3:30am<b>amazingnicole</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 5:12am

misterjez's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of misterjez's badges

misterjez's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82652) - you deserved it (8558)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12952) - you deserved it (40649)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31018) - you deserved it (22916)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22290) - you deserved it (8233)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33544) - you deserved it (3167)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

#20178424
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34239) - you deserved it (4113)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36853) - you deserved it (3748)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

#20164988
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6510) - you deserved it (19590)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:04am - work - by rubberduck1 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39078) - you deserved it (2725)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25598) - you deserved it (7604)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49745) - you deserved it (2611)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16236) - you deserved it (61286)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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