misterjez

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Offline (the 02/16/2015 at 4:23pm)

misterjez

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 July 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2423
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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misterjez's page activity

Visits<b>molloy2</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Kaoticwolf</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 8:25am<b>PopularPoptart</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 9:05pm<b>21PGreenDay</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 7:40am<b>couchcat</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 7:50pm<b>constipation</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 7:48pm<b>twerking_riggs</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:39am<b>CarmenCnh</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 5:52am<b>sweeta1485</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 11:24pm<b>saudmx3</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 3:27pm<b>dannnngthatsux</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 1:25pm<b>jellenwood</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 9:47pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 1:13pm<b>PureTime</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:14pm<b>Role448</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 4:13am<b>ghostsoul21</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 5:41pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:56am<b>lotr4</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 11:26am

misterjez's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of misterjez's badges

misterjez's favorite FMLs

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

by CanWeAllGetOne / 11/13/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

by kittybad / 06/23/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

by reyoflight / 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

by JRLJLS / 04/15/2013 at 5:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

by QuinnyZebrass / 04/02/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Arizona) / Work